I'm not a big fan of change. I like routines. There's something comforting in having things always stay the same. I wish everything could just stay the same way forever. I feel so disconnected with every one and everything in my life. I don't work five days a week like most people and I usually have a lot of free time. The problem is, I have no one to spend all that free time with. Most of the time, I stay in bed all day. I read, I watch movies and I try to entertain myself. Sometimes I wonder if this is really all there is to life. Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm alive at all. I am neither happy nor sad. I feel like an empty shell.
My friends from college are all busy in med school, my high school friends are busy starting their careers and I barely spend any time with my family. Every one is busy starting different lives without me in it. Every one is busy living and I wonder, when will my life begin?
Everything and every one has changed so much in the past couple years. I'm still the same. Sometimes I wonder if that's a bad thing. It feels like the whole world is moving on without me. Like I'm stuck in place, watching everything pass me by. Watching every one move forward while I get left behind.
My friends will have careers, their own families and I won't have a place in their lives.