Friday, September 28, 2012

Part of That World

College friends have been too busy with med week activities these past few days. It's times like these that make me wish I had gone to med school with them. I'm so jealous that they get to have all these new experiences, get to meet new friends and I'm not a part of all of it. I try to come to their events as much as I can. I try to hang out with them whenever I can. I want to be there. I want to be a part of their lives. I don't want to slowly slip away and be forgotten as they move on. To be honest, it's getting harder and harder for me to keep up with them. The conversations tend to get repetitive, sometimes forced even.  I mean, I know they're trying to include me, but at this point, it's just so difficult seeing as their world now is so much different from mine. A lot of times, I don't even have a God damn clue what or who they are talking about. They always end up having to explain everything and it make me feel like I'm a stupid child or something. I get jealous every time I see photos of them having fun with new friends. I'm jealous because they still get to enjoy life as students while I work my ass off in a job I hate. I just want to experience all those things with them as well. I want to be part of that world. It just kind of sucks because right now I really feel like our friendship has a set expiration date. The distance between us is just gonna grow over time and before we know it, we are no longer even speaking to each other. It's especially hard for me because I don't really have many friends.

Part of their med week celebration is a pageant for Mr. and Ms. Med. ME was a contestant. I wanted to watch but I stopped myself. It's a school event and I didn't feel right about going. I didn't belong there. I heard from KE that he did quite well. For the talent portion, he sang and KE said he was amazing. According to her, all the girls in the crowd went wild. Why wouldn't they? I mean he is that good looking and he can sing? I later saw a video of his performance and I must say, the boy can really sing. The thought of all those girls wanting him for themselves kind of stung a little. I mean, a lot of girls probably want him and it kind of sucks knowing that you are just one of those girls who want to compete for even just a bit of attention. ME mentioned in a tweet that he loved the movie "Perks of Being A Wallflower" because he can relate to it, that he always felt like wallflower and nobody notices him. Was he kidding or what? There is no way that he doesn't get noticed. I made out with four guys in one night and he's the only one I remember. I introduced myself to him and God knows I've never ever nor will ever do that ever again with any other guy. I wonder if he really felt like that. The moment I read his tweet, all I could think about was how much I wanted to hold him and tell him that he is anything but a wallflower. That girls would willingly line up around the block for him. That he is special and anyone would be lucky to have him in their lives. I wanted to banish every negative thought he had about himself because in my eyes, he is perfect just the way he is.

By the way, before I forget, apparently he really is gay. JR's little's sister's boyfriend is ME's classmate and according to him, ME's not really secretive about it but he also doesn't go around telling people either. I kind of already suspected that but some things just don't add up. First of all, in my diligent stalking, I found out that he had at least one girlfriend in the past. Second, we made out. If he was gay, what the fuck was that all about? I'm still not sure what to make of the news. Yes, it does kind of make me feel a little stupid for obsessing over a guy who obviously will never be into me. Still, it really doesn't change how I think of him and how I feel about him. I don't even know why I'm stressing so much. I mean, it was just one night and I only talked to him for a few minutes. For all I know, he could be a total douchebag and we could have nothing in common. Plus, he is probably gay. Whatever. A girl can hope, can't she?

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